Well, hello. I started a journey of personal development, focusing around health and fitness, six weeks ago and with the able assistance of a personal trainer. We’ve barely started the adventure, but I keep being struck by realisations and I’m fascinated by the way I find myself handling successes and challenges that I come up against. In joking that I have a book somewhere within me I thought it might be a good idea to record the journey, both for me to look back on and maybe inform someone else who may stumble across this little corner of the blogosphere.
It fairly quickly became apparent tthat the lessons I would learn whilst I was trying to get to grips with increased activity and great nutrition were greater in scope than the obvious aim. Issues relating to self-esteem, self-confidence and my view of my self, who I am and the place I hold in the world, rose quickly to the surface and I was somewhat taken aback, initially, then quietly pleased, that there were greater prizes than weight loss and fitness on offer, though they remain two important aims and outcomes. ‘It’s an emotional journey’ said S, early in the relationship, and he wasn’t wrong.
Today I’m on our annual family holiday and I got up early to cycle round the lake. There were few others about at first but I started to see more joggers, runners, cyclists, walkers as time went on. “Wow, these people are really active!” I thought as I pedalled onward. Then the realisation hit me, I was on a bike, dressed in cycling kit, cycling. I looked, for all intents and purposes, like an active person. Yet my belief has always been, right from my school days when all around me despaired of my physical ability and interest in sport, that I was not an active person. Yet here I was, looking like an active person, with other active people, doing an activity. How much longer can I hold the belief that ‘I an not an active person’ when all the evidence is stacking up to the contrary? It occurred to me that this journey was stating to unpick some beliefs that I hold about myself, which seemed like a major undertaking. Who knew that some fairly damaging and limiting beliefs would start to unravel as I built up evidence to disprove them? So much more benefit than I ever anticipated. And if maybe ‘I’m not an active person’ is a falsehood, what’s next? The idea that I’m not good enough, or that I can’t? It seems that some fairly deep seated beliefs are up for grabs and I’m happy to sit back, keep pedalling, and see what comes.