150 days

In the past 150 days I’ve burned 109,122 calories, completed 210 workouts which is an average of 1.4 per day, I’ve travelled 839.95km under my own steam (cycling, walking, running, rowing) and I’ve taken 147 hours to do it all. I’ve gone from a size 22 to a comfortable size 16, lost 25lbs in weight which is 50%of the total 50lbs lost since August 2013 (applying Pareto principles 50% of the weight in 35% of the time) and north of 9% in body fat. I’ve cured myself of eczema and I’ve had some of the most incredible endorphin rushes possible as well as weathering the storm of an injury.

More importantly than any of that, in the past 150 days I’ve unlocked who I really am. I don’t believe that I’m a new person. I’m LJ and I always was and always will be. But the only explanation for what has happened to me in the past 150 days is “transformation”. Rather than conceptualising this as the death of one person and the birth of another, I prefer to think of this as an unlocking. Of potential. Of who I really am. If I’m not a new person, I must have always been disciplined enough to turn up to the gym every day, I must always have been focussed enough to eat really well, I must always have been brave enough to try things that frighten me. I didn’t do any of those things before but they must have been there, dormant, waiting to be unlocked.

This unfurling brought with it the challenge of getting used to this new version of myself. I needed to get used to a new identity, a new sense of who I am. That took energy and a lot of patient support from those who care (who know who they are, or should do!).

I don’t think it will all be plain sailing and I don’t think I’m fully unfurled yet. But I’m starting 2015 with a much clearer picture of who I am. I’m an active person with an interest in CrossFit type activities and heavy lifting. I’m a proud member of Thames Valley Triathletes because I’m a triathlete and I enjoy the acceptance and belonging that I have with that community. I eat as well as I can because I know that I sugar makes me think I love sugar but it makes me feel rough and I don’t need gluten in my life. I’m an inspirational mother who is helping her son develop great healthy habits early and I’m setting an example for my family and those around me. There is so much that I want to do – nail double unders, complete Fran, take Annie, complete 3x triathlons, 1x sportive and a 5k run, get one pull up, (re)conquer box jumps, get as good at squats as I am at deadlifts, do it all with minimal angst and have the most amazing fun at the same time.

There is much that is unknown to me at the moment, just like there was 150 days ago. But what I do know with a deep, quiet and calm certainty is that this new, unfurled, unlocked version of me is here to stay and it’s all out there for the taking. I’m ready.

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