I’ve enjoyed a real rest over the Christmas period which gave me a chance to reflect. I didn’t make resolutions but I am very aware that the new year is a great opportunity for a fresh start and I wanted to start with more confidence and comfort in myself than I ended 2014 with. 2014 saw a lot of great work but it also saw me struggle with identity and insecurities. I don’t have to do that in 2015 and I choose not to!
My resolve has played out already with a really great PT session that was lighthearted and fun, whilst being sweaty and hard work too. I followed up with two more sessions at lunchtime that I would previously have used as a chance to beat myself up about my performance, but I just did my best, sweated and left, enjoying the endorphin rush.
I had an interaction with a colleague today that made me happy. A newcomer to the fitness scene, he looked up to me as some kind of expert. I often feel anything but that and I’m so aware of all my weaknesses and downfalls. But I’ve been training consistently for nearly half a year and I’ve made incredible progress from where I started, so, yep, I guess I do have some experience. I wanted to reach out to him with some encouragement so I sent a little email. The fact that I could write this message and every single word was from my heart means the world to me. I have no doubt that I have insecurities that will play out over the coming year but, well, I’ve come a long way.
Can you believe these words came out of my mouth!
“I still struggle sometimes at being able to keep up with a class, but I just scale to suit me. Success lies not in doing the class to the same level as everyone else but doing it to your best level. You would have noticed that I didn’t box jump today. The most I’ve ever done is 2 risers then I psyched myself out of it, so now I just do step—ups. Totally doesn’t bother me because I’m still doing more activity than someone who is sitting at their desk. One day I’ll conquer box jumps again but until then I’m doing my best with what I can do. I can, however, deadlift 1/3rd of my body weight for 50 reps and show potential with Olympic lifting. I am trying hard to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t. Today I did a sort of handstand for the first time! Made me proud.
So don’t worry if you’re not as fit as anyone else. What matters is that you’re turning up and working towards getting better. Not getting equal with someone else, but just getting better as you.”
Here’s to 2015.