Enough is enough.

It’s been a long old time since I posted here. Life, and all that, happened. All good on the whole.

I finished the 0-5k running course and earned myself a medal, though I learned that I am really rubbish at race type events, so I ended up walking most of it in a “I am rubbish, I can’t do this”) type of way. I then spent another month or so trying to get to like running, and get my rear to parkrun, but I eventually realised that I am not a runner, and I’m OK with that. I mean, I can now run without pain if I want to, but I do not enjoy running, I’m not motivated to do it very often, I am not especially motivated to get better and it’s just not my thing. I spent a long while trying to get it to be my thing, but it’s not.

In the meantime, it’s about 10 months since I had my operation and I’m very happy to report that life post-PMDD is pretty cool. I managed to get an appointment with the pretty famous (in PMDD circles) Mr Nick Panay and was finally prescribed a decent HRT combo for a young (ish) woman in premature surgical menopause. Seems to be working really well. I have been having fun at work in what I really hope is my forever job, and I finally have balance. weight

Or … not that balanced. Since I was was at my lowest weight on 15th May 2015, I have slowly put a fair amount back on. Now, I appreciate that “before” I had more time on my hands to train, and focussing on nutrition and training was a good way of getting through the horrors that were PMDD. But just because I’m now cured, there IS NO WAY ON THIS EARTH that I want to go back to where I started. NO WAY, JOSE. NOPE. NO. NO. NO. And look at that trend over the past 18 months. Needs to be reversed!

So. I found myself thinking what could I do that I would find motivating? Well, my mind started drifting back to CrossFit. When I was thinking about the things I enjoy – I was reminded that I used to be motivated enough to get my rear out of bed at 5am every Saturday to lift weights, do burpees and other functional fitness type stuff. Now, back then my reasons for being interested in CrossFit were all wrong. It was all from a sense of wanting to fit in, be part of something as if that justified my existence. The Trainer pointed out sometime later that I didn’t need to be part of a group or community in order to be worthwhile. My motivations for joining at this point couldn’t be more different. I want to go there because I really quite enjoy the exercise (in a horrible why am I doing this way kind of way), and I’m likely to be motivated enough to turn up on a regular basis. It’s blinking well good for you and efficient in terms of time. What’s not to like?

So I signed up for a Learn To Lift course. I got really frustrated with the Olympic Lifts last time I did Foundations, so thought a 4 week course to get to grips with the snatch, clean, and jerk (no giggling) would help. It would also give me a chance to get to watch some WODs to see if I reckoned I could fit in even a little bit! I’ve completed two weeks of that course now and it’s been fun. I lack confidence with heavy weights but I’m getting the hang of it, and I haven’t freaked out or been completely weird. I’m not fussed about being able to lift heavy straight away, I’m more than happy just practicing with light weights. At least I’m there and moving, and the heavier weights will come as I get fitter and stronger. No rush!

I’ve also just booked a Fast Track Foundations course so once I’ve been through that I will be able to join as a member and attend regular WODs. Of course I’m nervous and worried that I won’t be able to keep up, but then I think back to when I started PT with The Trainer. I could only walk on a treadmill and row 500m, and when I finished training with him I was doing 100 burpee challenges and completing triathlons. Consistency and hard work pay off, and to a large extent I’m starting over but I can see no reason why I wouldn’t get similar results and progress this time round too.

To completely ensure I get back on it, I’ve also signed up for a 70 day nutrition mentoring course with Pike Performance. I consider myself fairly well educated when it comes to clean eating, but of late I’ve been back to old ways, relying on sugar to get me out of dips but then setting up the next dip, and eating stuff that really doesn’t agree with me. So a bit of accountability in the next 70 days before Christmas will not hurt, and I might also learn something handy!

My motivations? The pride I felt when I was able to buy Size 14 clothes. The happiness I felt that I was fit enough to run around with the family. The endorphins from lifting heavy stuff and having people comment about how strong I was. The fact that I felt pretty good in myself.

Of late, my clothes have been getting tighter. I’ve felt less energetic and just not quite as good as I used to. When The Trainer said I must have struggled when I was a Size 24 and I was offended because it’s not like I was dragging myself around. Well, I do feel worse now than I did at my lightest/fittest, and enough is enough. Things are now settled and balanced enough to put some focus around nutrition and exercise, so that’s what I’m going to do.

I’ll likely post updates here for accountability purposes … wish me luck!



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